go deep. find truth.

in the dark

2012-01-03T06:50:00.000-08:00

I am afraid of the dark.

There I said it.

I have always been... and though I am in my thirties... I still find myself paralyzed at times... in the dark...

I am scared of few things. I am overly confident in my own abilities at times.

However, I'm scared of the unknown... of finding out if I'm prepared for what might happen if I turn on the lights...
So sometimes... I leave the lights off...
I'd rather walk into things (mind you, these are things I've walked into before) ... than face my fear...

Before the sun came up this morning, I walked squarely into the backside of a chair. It made me laugh, as I suddenly was unable to move forward.

Lord, help me to turn on the lights... and trust you... help me to not accept walking in the dark and fear, as a way of life...

remembering to breathe.

2011-12-26T22:28:00.001-08:00

a few days back... I realized I was having a panic attack... no... that's a lie... I was having multiple panic attacks over the course of a few hours...

why I was all panicky really doesn't matter... right now anyway... I'll save that for a later time...

what I was struck by this succession of attacks, was how easily I slipped back into panic mode... RIGHT AFTER "talking" myself down from full fledged attacks...

My thoughts went something like this...

...God help me, God help me, God help me, God help me, God help me...
...I can't be feeling this way right now, I can't be feeling this way right now, I can't be feeling this way right now...
...God help me, God help me, God help me, God help me, God help me...
...shit, shit, shit...
...stop, breathe, slowly... slower...
...God help me, God help me, God help me, God help me, God help me...

you get the point...

I need God. I need the assurance that He is bigger.

I keep catching myself almost hourly going through the same cycle of thoughts... :)
I'm entering a busy busy season...

two HUGE time consumers for the preschool... which I'm thrilled to be a part of ...
starting the new year focused on a few personal goals (you know... the ones like be healthy & personal growth)
and you know... the rest of my normal life... of a mother of THREE darling littles AND a lifestyle photographer... :)

if you think of me... pray for peace, wisdom, clarity & lots of laughter...

indulging.

2011-11-22T13:39:00.000-08:00

In all the wrong foods...

Ugh... I feel gross...

Time to get back on track...

Easier said than done...

So I give you all permission... if you see me reaching for something filled with gluten or sugar... please hand me some water instead... ok?

xo

church.

2011-11-20T21:04:00.000-08:00

today. we went to church.
it was much different experience than I expected it to be.
Cai went to godly play. Max to the nursery with Tim. Gracie stayed with Me, in church.

almost immediately a gal I knew, turned to me and shared some very deep sad news... the kind of news that brings tears to both the bearer of news and the hearer...

I half listened to our pastor invite us to spend a few moments discussing our favorite story from Acts... as this gal shared she had 10 minutes before she had to head home... and asked if I had to be on medications for life...

I am a fixer. I love problem solving. I love digging my heals in, rolling my sleeves up... and getting to work... emotionally speaking... or otherwise...

However, sometimes I forget to listen. This morning, I wanted to talk more... but I desperately tried to speak little and listen more... I tried to listen to what was said... and what was unsaid...

I found myself trying to remember what it was like when I was in her shoes...
Remembering what it was like to feel completely hopeless... completely at my end... completely done with life... and helpless to do anything about it... to make it better...

I really hate the bottom of my depression. I despise it because it feels like it will never end, like there's nothing I can do to shake it... Like I will always be stuck. Behind schedule on projects, on baby books, on making dinner, on getting dressed, on losing weight... you name it... I feel stuck with it...

And so... I do what I know works for me...

I focus on reaching out (asking for help), getting good sleep, eating well & exercising (alot).
And when that isn't enough... I am forced to give myself some grace...

To allow myself to just be.

unshowered.
40+ pounds overweight.
dirty dishes filling...correction. overflowing the sink.
laundry washed to everywhere.
car filled with stuff.
unbathed kids.
refrigerator nearly empty.

just be...

and it's hard... cause I fear judgement... I fear feeling behind schedule... I hear shoulda's echoing... I should be skinner & stronger by now... I should have a working routine by now...
soo much.... echos...

and then this is where I typically hear what I believe to be God's voice... saying Sarah, just be for a little bit... slow down... embrace what you see & hear... enjoy the finches on your fence... your children begging for more food... the ability to drive places... to speak... to hear... to think...

and this is about the time I start to feel a little bit better... when I stop & breath...

o october.

2011-10-05T20:46:00.000-07:00

EVERY year... for the past eleven years... I have been astutely aware of how this month affects me... The past few days are a reminder of just how life feels when depression sinks in...

Sleeping is difficult. Waking is difficult. Getting chores done... difficult. Staying positive... difficult. Keeping my temper... difficult.
Getting dressed... difficult.

Everything feels *almost* impossible... like there's a 50 pound weight tied to me... oh and three children pulling me in three different directions... :)

So typically when I feel awful... I focus on taking care of myself... eat well, sleep well, exercise & reach out. I also... try to be kind to myself...embrace things I typically LOVE and set the standards low...

house plants...

2011-09-29T20:28:00.000-07:00

oh how I love thee...

however... you need new pots...

I used an amazing... amazing livingsocial deal ($15 for $30 at Armstrong's) to buy these new pots and two new plants... Caiah and I made a date of it! I just love stealing time with him... and what a wonderful little place! We explored the lot... Caiah found some carnivious plants and sat and watched them for a bit... we checked out their LARGE pumpkin collection... He looked for "plants we could grow & eat"...

as is the norm in my world, a few days later we completed the project...

I looove projects like this... and watching these boys enjoying life as a kid!

SAHM.

2011-07-08T01:07:00.000-07:00

I love being a stay at home mama... just in case I haven't mentioned it lately.

I love watching my kids learn about their world... I love helping Max get "mo colooooooors" to create with... I love finding him soo into his activity that he forgets about the paper... and goes for anything around him...
I love watching Caiah go out on the back porch to watch the blue jays (which I hear can be mean?)
I love when he finds a car he's been missing... I love how his face lights up when I tell a joke... or laugh at his... I love watching all my kids devour food. and thoroughly enjoy the experience.
I love just being with them... spoiling them with adventures (any trip outside the home), Popsicles & lots of snuggles...

I love "talking" with Gracie... Can't imagine what she will bring to this world... I love dressing Gracie... I love watching the boys interact with her in their own way... max with a few pats while saying "cute baby" repeatedly... Caiah with some ear snuggles and bringing himself face to face with her... snuggling noses... and wrapping his arm around her body...

I enjoy making our house, a home.

On days when I feel discouraged, I need to remember all this...

Intentions & action.

2011-07-01T22:58:00.000-07:00

Today, July 1st, marks the beginning of a new chapter of my life.

My baby is 6 weeks and change. She's sleeping well, as am I... eating well... as I will be... :)
and generally a happy kid... Max and Caiah are also transitioning beautifully.

The past 6 months have brought us through some crazy decisions and with that has come a loss of routine.

I love routine.

It's part of the reason I have 15 v-neck shirts & one pair of flip-flops, there's no searching for what to wear... or stopping to consider an outfit... :)

We as a family have been adjusting, mostly well... but a few things have been lost along the way...
namely our intentional individual workout times & our commitment to feed ourselves and the kids fun, interesting, healthy food!

Don't get me wrong. We eat pretty well & are SUPER active... BUT there is always room for improvement...

So this week marks my intentions & re-commitment to working out & eating better as a family.
I've got 30+ pounds to drop... Tim has his body to recondition to running :) ...

Tonight I did Nancy.
400m run
15 OHS (Overhead Squats) (@ 25lbs, standard is 65lbs)

Holy hell. The heat just torn me up. Yes, I am thoroughly de-conditioned. Yes, it's been nearly a year since I've done any sort of formal running (chasing Cai & Max out of streets doesn't count). No, I'm not a frequent lifter. But Geez. I almost finished 4 rounds. If I was given 10 more minutes I may have been able to finish... but only after I threw up a few times... :(
Typically. If you throw up, your body is saying your done. So, I paused a few times... to rehydrate, cool off and talk my body down... :) really wanted to finish, even if it was last... maybe the weight could have been lighter... maybe if I wasn't 175lbs... I could run faster... ;)
anyhow.
I didn't finish.

However.

I did get a fabulous workout and see some friends I haven't in a very long time! It was wonderful.

Looking forward to embracing the heat this summer...

My health.

2011-06-30T23:55:00.000-07:00

This week, I stepped on the scale and found I am back to my pre-prego weight... which is a good start...
Tomorrow, I embark on the beginning of losing another 30+ pounds...
I'm excited to get stronger, I feel weak mentally & physically.
I'm hopeful but worried I won't be able to make time for my workouts.
I'm interested to see how juggling our full life will be effected when I start working out... but FIRST... I need to get Gracie taking a bottle! :)

Hoping tomorrow night's workout goes well... Tim with the kids and me... hopefully not throwing up... :)

6 weeks are up... It's time to get back in the game...

The game plan.
eat healthy.
no sugar.
workout 5 times a week (a few at home w/kids, a few with CrossFit)

a new start...

2011-06-21T22:16:00.000-07:00

I love taking a few moments to sort my thoughts.
blogging helps me do that.

I have really missed blogging and connecting with folks via the world wide web.

I'd like to reconnect...

before baby grace

2011-05-09T20:53:00.000-07:00

before baby grace was born... we made mothers day gifts...
sooo these were my inspiration...

I saw THIS... and thought it would make GREAT gifts... however... with our budget tight... I knew we couldn't buy them... sooo... I thought maybe I'd see what I might be able to find a few little plants at the 99 cents store... and if I got lucky the pottery too? OR I'd splurge on the pottery... :)

well I used dirt I'd been hoarding for JUST this kind of occassion...

and with one quick trip to home depot (succlents $1.99-$3.99 a piece) and another to YES the 99 cents store (pottery for 99 cents a piece)...

And with the help of my lovely assistants... who decided which plants would go together...
We made these!!!

AND
we even had a few leftover plants... sooo Mama got one too!!!

3/3 to do's

2011-05-02T23:37:00.000-07:00

wish my sweet husband happy 8 years...

make a basket for nurses
turn in pre reg paperwork for hospital
EDIT EDIT EDIT (ugh 7 shoots, luckily only 1 is a paid gig... other work is personal)
schedule eye appts for boys, confirm dentist appts
clean out car & vacuum
pick up grocery needs & more prenatals etc
deliver $ for preschool photo & commitment contract for next
wrap & address gifts
buy gifts for this month
fold clothes, finish doing laundry
enjoy boys
FIND DRESSERS for master bedroom... I think we want two tall boy dressers...
set up nursery stuff...

I might...

2011-04-22T01:12:00.000-07:00

stay up all night...

it's already 1am
there is a COUCH FULL of laundry... to fold... and I need to find the sheets for our beds... because Ana our beloved house keeper is coming tomorrow... yes... to clean my tiny little space...

I'm toying with the idea of heading into the garment district to pick a FEW (7) different white ish fabrics for a quilt for baby girl... as we're calling her... (thanks megan s)... I have two weeks... maybe we can get a quilt... and scrapbooks complete before... worth a try right?

Our storage unit, ordered a week ago... is set to be delivered... between 4/27-5/3 ... is this slightly ridiculous to anyone else? how can I still have such a wide date range... ugh... Can NOT wait to get it... I pray it is big enough... I'm pretty sure it will be...

THEN... our home will start feeling more homey... and much less like a storage facility... :)

It is still hard for me to wrap my head around having ANOTHER baby in the house... Max is my baby... although... I have been noticing the little guys legs are almost as long as mine ;) he's growing lately like a weed...

which reminds me... I really really want to get his big boy bed together in the next few weeks... desperately looking for sheets online... color requirements... orange, blue or teal.... I was hoping for some sort of car, truck etc sheets... OR dog silhouettes ... Max LOVES both...
Caiah's sheets are made for target by dwell studio ... and of course... they are cars...

all that to say... geez there is a lot to do...

Need to pack bags for me & kids... for hospital time... would love to make a basket for nurses & dr... need to pre reg at hospital...
Some point this next week... we should install the infant seat... and move the boys into the back seats... and while we're at it... clean the car... ;)

must get a little sleep... off to bed... xo

april 15th.

2011-04-15T01:35:00.000-07:00

Our renters officially move in today...

yesterday, we exchanged checks, keys and various other things...

I STILL need to make one copy of a SET of keys and bring air filters to the house... but other than that... and thinking about a low low key landscape job... The house is rented... and free's us up a bit financially... and otherwise :)

Now I can focus on cleaning, unpacking and organizing THIS house... in Monrovia... and If you're lucky... ie. if time & energy allows I'll try and post some photos in the next week...

The business has been ridiculously busy for me... and given my very pregnant state... I'm looking forward to some sort of lull... but of course we can very much so use the money...

Today the boys were amazing... I treated the big one to an ice cream cone because he was seriously super kind to his brother... and played nicely all day... even throw our errands... which were numerous!

I am super tired from the weeks events... looking forward to a low key day tomorrow...

oh my...

2011-03-21T00:21:00.000-07:00

4 large plastic bins
3 plastic filing bins
2 brown boxes

...

emptied.

I can NOT believe the crud I was keeping!
Half exposed photos... get your minds out of the gutter... literally half of the photo would be black... the other half a normalish picture!
old crusty, broken, toys my mom put in a box for me years ago...
super old photos of people I don't know... (those will all get sent to my sister per her request)
I tossed LOADS of research articles and papers... I had a file marked journals to read... so very organized of me to HOARD academic reading material... ;)

I sorted a ton of manuals for things we'd owned in the past years... tons tons tons... of letters... kinda funny to me how many letters I'd kept...tossed one zillion journals... (people. no going through my trash!) Tim sorted & purged his yearbook collection some dating back to the 1980's... :) ...

Tomorrow, Tim will drag the bags upon bags of trash I purged up from the basement... I think we may need to make a trip to a dumpster! :)
AND another to ACTS...

and yes... now... I have a touch of insomnia... sitting here at almost 1am... thinking about the day had... and the day to come...

one things for sure... tomorrow I get groceries... and I WILL cook some REAL FOOD...

tonight we literally had what was left in the freezer... some sort of fancy wontons (cucumber sweet potatoe), chickenLESS nuggets (pretty sure THAT buy was a complete accident! Max liked them... Caiah just about lost it cause they were not in dinosaur shapes) & green beans.... :) GOD BLESS TIM for cooking something... otherwise... we'd all go to bed hungry...

Looking forward to keeping the momentum going!

I am ready to nest.

2011-03-14T00:33:00.000-07:00

however.
I need to do the opposite for the next two weeks.
:)
kinda a funny place to be.

this week we spend in San Diego, while Tim speaks at a conference... we'll play hooky from school... and enjoy family and the beach!

NEXT week... we pack up the house... and continue selling things on craigslist!
the trickest part of all this... is there are three areas we still MUST purge... the office, the bathrooms & the basement... the latter frightens me the most... just because of the sheer amount of things... that we need to go through... and make decisions on...

sigh...

sooo while I can't nest just yet... I'll have you know that I DID use a free online software to create a replica of our new home... based on our measurements!!! I put some furniture in... nothing is exact but it gives you a little idea of it all...

ps.

2011-03-04T23:32:00.000-08:00

I'd like the entire Harry Potter Series... on my kindle...

Why why why... don't you offer it amazon! : /

today was crazy.

2011-03-03T22:54:00.000-08:00

(586: Pasadena = current home)

9:00a
Tim had a meeting re: a potential kidspace job... which we suspected wasn't a good fit... but thought we'd entertain it. It went well...

9:30a
We found out this morning, that for whatever reason, the Ivy duplex folks signed a lease Monday night with another interested party. I'd sent our lease over around noon on Monday... but whatever... honestly. I'm over it.

Because I hadn't heard from these lovely folks... I'd gone online last night and made up a list of potential options to check into... IF... this place fell through...hoping it might help me sleep a little better... :)

anyhow...

Got the email saying... o sorry... we rented it monday night...

10-11:30a
Tim and I, with sweet baby Max... (Caiah was at preschool) who btw... was amazing in the car... AMAZING... such a blessing... We drove by and made calls about 6+ places between Pasadena and Monrovia... in less than 2 hours...

Stumbled about this place... via... Westside Rentals!!! TOTALLY worth the $60 paid... as far as I'm concerned... wasn't available to see inside just yet... so we made an appt after checking it out...

(609: Monrovia = New Home)

12:00p
We picked up lunch & picked up Cai from preschool...
And brought the boys over to play with Auntie Adrea's... and her boys for a bit... while we headed back out to view the winning option (in our minds)

1:00p
Returned to this house (609) to view inside. Had a lovely meeting with the Owner/Lessor...

Tim realized as we drove away that the lessors last name was the same as Caiah's preschool teacher!

2:30p
Returned home for a rest.
Confirmed we will indeed be renting from Caiah's teachers family. :) Which is comforting... because she feels like family...

3:30p
Kidspace has now offered Tim... a pt position, a ft position primarily focused on sales (no thanks)... and later this afternoon Tim received ANOTHER phone call from them... and then email... saying... Hey... we want to offer you a "unique job opportunity" paying more than the other job(s) we've offered you... Can you meet again in person tomorrow? :) Tim and I just laughed...

5:00p
Met again with Lessor, signed lease... was given a set of keys.
We wound up with a month to month lease, super cheap... small but cute place... basically take our house... and cut it in half... minus a bit more...I would guess... :)

After we gave Caiah a sneek peak of the his new local parks!
He really really wanted to give his bike a try at the skate park....
Instead he ran it... with his helmet on, of course?!?

We were greeted by a motorcycle cop, a little later, who gave Cai a badge sticker... and a nice family playing at the park... It was a great ending to a looooong day...

looooooong looooooooooooong day.

7:00p
Celebrated with Dinner at Mimi's Cafe... note to self... the food sucks there... don't do that again...

While I do slightly wish some of my favorite furniture could come with us... (my GIANT cabinet) I am really happy with the place... and think it will serve us ALL better in the end... I mean... we're not going to have to get creative to figure out where the keurig coffee maker will go! Our clothes perhaps... But the coffee machine has a home... and that's important stuff people?!?

Looking forward to having the move and transitioning all behind us...
xo

when your waiting...

2011-03-02T22:03:00.000-08:00

when your me... and your waiting for an important email... that will help you know whether you should continue with your planning of plans... or scramble to create a new plan...

you want to KILL junk email...

it's been a little over 24 hours... since my last contact with the Monrovia house folks... good lord... the suspense is killing me...

it's funny though.
cause through and through I know things will work out... one way or another... if not this place... even though our hearts are now set on it... another will become available... and I'm sure it will suit us just fine...

I am trying to be patient... really really patient...
Did I mention I pregnant and will have a baby in 2 months? ;)

and just like that...

2011-03-01T22:43:00.000-08:00

in a matter of literally... 5 minutes...

I inhaled 6 somona girl scout cookies AND... spun around our house trying to gather bits and details... and converse with my husband... on a final decision... and then try to connect with our hopeful renters and THEN... just like that...

We had a renter for our house... and a place to rent...

holy crap... that was slightly stressful...

Waiting to hear back from the Monrovia place to confirm they received our email with agreement... but we'll assume it's all good... they are slow on email...

Maybe I'll sleep through the night tonight...

Today Tim also did one of his ALL TIME LEAST FAVORITE HOME CHORE... painting :)
He climbed up on a ladder... and painted painted painted... and now... our garage is ready to be viewed... :) Next the new window screens will get a hit of paint...

Yesterday I took care of one million financial things... checked our spending for February... which was remarkable... I'm so proud of us... :) (mint.com people. amazing)

AND it's only been slightly painful... not being able to get starbucks on a whim or buy bottled water... like I do constantly when I'm thirsty... rather than... plan ahead... so I've been doing a ton of planning ahead... which is actually, pretty doable... IT DOES MEAN... I run back into the house fairly frequently... to locate forgotten, but important items... :)

hope you enjoy the little update...
xo

big changes. big plans.

2011-02-23T23:39:00.000-08:00

well...
the first part is very true.
big changes are ahead.
no big plans, as of yet... :)

Tomorrow marks Tim's last work day at Lake Ave Church... Sunday will be his last day...

It an odd thing.
Tim and I both have found processing it all... very draining...

There are so many things to celebrate... ways we've seen God work in families and children...
Things we've learned while growing at LAC...

and then things that bring us great sadness...

we are. excited to see where God wants us... we're thrilled to be welcoming a little girl into the world... we're are looking forward to a different pace during the weekends... and collaborating with eachother & friends on some creative endeavors.

thats all for now...
pray for us, if you think of it...

For community.
For renters.
For a job.
For direction & wisdom.
For the boys

xo
s

before tomorrow.

2011-02-03T14:58:00.000-08:00

to do's

finish up packing
pack plane foodies - drinks
pack kids travel fun bag
pack plastic high chair
check in for flight
locate umbrella(s)
find long sleeves that fit my belly (geeeeeeez)
tidy house
pass key to house guest
complete MY orange packet
make last OS delivery
make arrangements for OS packet collections at preschool
write OS thank yous
edit 3 sessions
post a few
get CD's out in the mail
decide on camera for travel

today.

2011-01-31T22:01:00.000-08:00

Today did not involve as much rest, as I'd thought it would.

It started with preschool drop off
Grocery shopping with Max, I got help to the car.
We came home and I let him toddle about while I slowly put groceries away...
Then back to preschool for pick up, we got there a little early so I let max play a little
Then an impromptu playdate with Jakey (Caiah's professed best friend) at the park across from Caiah's school about an hour of chasing Max around on play structures that are for 5-12 yr olds!
Then back home for lunch & naps. I must confess here that I almost stopped for in and out, because we've done soo great this month on grocery spending... but we had food at home... so we made it back on our empty stomachs... and then filled up before nap time...

The rest of the evening was filled with dinner, phone calls, hanging, and email follow up.

Tonight is the first time I've though about what this little ones "nursery" might look like... I'm guessing it will be a closet... :) ... Today, I had a call back from the TV show interested in our house... AND a random email from another person saying, they want to rent our house...

I almost didn't email this guy back at all because his email comes up as wholesale dealer centre... thought it might be a spam... ish... email... but we'll see... he's scheduled a viewing...

In the midst of email this last mentioned crazy guy... I was looking at designmom.com ... love her blog... always inspires me!

Which is what led me to start thinking about this little girls "nursery" ... and other odds and ends we'll need before she comes... like a new car seat... since max won't have grown out of his yet... :)
I think it's the first time I've thought about baby related logistics or design for any amount of time...

Also on my mind today... a house showing yesterday, and two hits today with interest for the house...
makes me hopeful and nervous... that we're going to be hustling to move out and into something in two weeks time... but we'll see what happens...

orange sale is almost over...

2011-01-29T20:59:00.000-08:00

This morning was an amazing orchestration of team work.
We moved almost 40 tons of fruit out of three semi's... and then into about 40 cars... and then distributed... ALL OVER the san gabriel valley and beyond...

Caiah's preschool has this fundraiser, and it raises typically a little over 30k in profits each year...
brilliantly... selling something good for you...
as you can see I'm a big fan...

I arrived this morning a little after 4:30am... and quickly got to work...
mind you... I can't lift anything...

So I practiced, ALL day... more than ever... asking for help...
I literally didn't lift more than a piece of paper... or two...

Asking for help... to lift stuff... is especially hard for me... for many reasons... I love that I can typically dead lift almost 200 lbs... I love that I am a fairly strong woman... that can do things on my own... if I had to... however... I am quickly identifying and appreciating the need for others...

:)

little things add up.

2011-01-18T13:07:00.001-08:00

Lesson 1: PAY ATTENTION to what I'm buying...

Typically, I buy the mop & go option (for the cleaning lady, 1+ bottle per floor mopped) ... instead of the concentrated... I'm guessing this is gonna last a tad longer...

Apparently. I have enjoy wasting money. :(

I am almost do for a new sponge.
But $2 per sponge just seems a little nuts...
I'm considering trying to make some of these... I'll keep ya posted... but if you have any ideas... clue me in!

one week down. three to go.

2011-01-17T12:29:00.001-08:00

Last night, I watched a movie, on my laptop (god bless netflix), like I do... an education... what a good and tragic movie... it was spinning in my head as I went to bed... soo I dreamed of being in college again... except... I could only find my old text books and notes... and somehow had forgotten to bring new notebooks and the correct text books...

when things feel out of control... I have these dreams... a lot...
seems I'm completely prepared... for something entirely different...
aaaa life.

Earlier in the day I read a sampling of Shauna Niequist's Cold Tangerines... (I read her Bittersweet book, a few weeks back and it spoke to my soul, sidenote. I think bittersweet shows a much better writting style) Cold Tangerines, seems to talk alot about finding & choosing things to celebrate, in the midst of yuck... I want to intentionally do this during this crazy season... you know, this season where we don't yet have a job, a renter or a mama who can do things... I want to celebrate God's goodness in what we have... a few amazing friends & family... a wonderful preschool... cars that run... children that are growing healthy...

SOOO
it seems I will be spending quite a lot of time... right here... in front of this computer screen... or my NEW kindle... modified bed rest kinda sucks... but I'm trying to make the most of it...

I woke up this morning... late... around 8a... Tim had been up for at least 2 1/2 hours... with both boys... I got up and asked about what we should do with the day... Tim was mostly distracted by a children's pastors message board he'd found... I asked again... and then realized he was deep in conversation... I suggested we look on craigslist for adult bikes... and take the family on a bike ride... since it was SUCH a beautiful day... and he nodded...
ten minutes later I realized riding a bike is exercise... :) ... and it's off limits for now...
It seems most of the things I love about life... is off limits...

Time to focus my efforts on other things I love... and things that might bring me and the family joy... while I rest...

I was feeling grouchie... and didn't really realize it until I snapped at Cai for whining for the millionth time... yeah. not my favorite moment of the day...

anyhow...for the rest of the morning... I swept the floor, cleaned up what little mess was left from breakfast, ate at least 6 handfuls of soup crackers and a chocolate cup cake (breakfast) and proceeded to walk about aimlessly... looking for something else I could do... without overdoing... pick up a few toys on the floor... ? ... yeah... I'll do that... I brought the boys water and popsicles (ps. I LOVE watching my boys refresh after playing hard) as they were busy busy busy playing outside... and it was getting hot...

then... I got all cleaned up (shower, shaved! & clean clothes) ... and went back to bed...

:)

read some on my lovely kindle... which I just may not let leave my site for a very long time...
I uploaded a book to kindle for mac about a year ago... so I started there... reading...
all about organizing files... digital and otherwise...

the boys came in... and wanted to see my "electronic book" as cai calls it... they oo'd and coo'd and desperately tried to touch any piece of it I'd let them...
I love their fascination with new things... not far from my own...

Max brought me a real book to read to him... he sat... and hardly moved an inch while I read... Cai joined us...
It was a sweet moment us together...

so for most of the day I will sit... in bed...

things I hope to do today.
fold a few loads of laundry (currently crowding the bed)
get groceries for the next few days (I found a delish baked tomato dish I can't wait to make!)
make some Orange Sale phone calls
plan, what I can, of the week ahead
rest some more

things that bring me joy.

2011-01-15T13:02:00.000-08:00

In no particular order.

live plants
all three of my boys
feeling a baby move inside
lemons
clean sheets
the ocean
completing a project

Moving out of fear.

2011-01-12T12:21:00.001-08:00

Tim and I have been talking.
Alot.

The renters for our place have fallen through... which means most likely... we won't be able to secure the darling monrovia space... I'm a bit heart broken...

Obviously, there has been quite a lot to consider...
Work options, living options, budget items to cut out... kinda makes me wish we spent more to begin with...
Talking about such can bring up some anxiety...
Yet, Tim and I keep finding ourselves in a deep place of peace...

Then Monday, I'm diagnosed with placenta previa... followed by modified bed rest... and what wasn't spoken but is probably on the horizon... a c-section... (which is really ok... although I do LOVE the challenge of natural births) It's all just been a lot to take in...

Clearly God is doing something... with us... right?
And although the timing of things is just plain crappy... we know that we will be ok... we may ask to share dinner with you... and perhaps have a few diapers... but we will be ok...
Mary Sue has supplied us with enough christmas stocking stuffers (gift cards & tooth paste) too keep us well provided for and with clean teeth no less... for months...

Let's be clear though...
It's freaking stressful right now...
We have about zero control which, ok, I can totally deal with... but all these shades of gray we're working with here are maddening ... and I LOVE GRAY... I live in gray areas... But there is no right or wrong approach to what we're facing right now... and that is hard to grasp...

all I can do, is do next to nothing...
when there's a lot to do... all around me...

it is hard...

I am a doer and an avid list maker... I love planning... organizing... taking on challenges...

however... all we can do is wait... on God... to see what doors open and close... as we always do...
and we'll not dwell on financial or logistical what if's ... and we'll focus on the potential of all the options we have right before us...

we'll pray, and ask others to pray...
we'll get the word out about the house...
we'll continue to network and connect with various job opportunities...

and we'll pray some more...

please pray with us....

wednesday came and went...

2011-01-10T23:37:00.000-08:00

Tim resigned from Lake Ave Church. His last day will be 2/27
The extremely short version.

We are renting our lovely home. Moving out before 2/1.

We have found a GREAT place to rent, in Monrovia. Beginning 1/15.

We need a new job... or a legal way to make a little money... :)

I have placenta previa, as of today.

O the preschool's orange sale is going fabulous! But you should still buy some under Scheidler, Micaiah!

How's that for an update?

Big plans... BIG plans I say!

2011-01-01T09:34:00.000-08:00

One of my FAVORITE things about my husband... is his appreciation for kid culture...
He found this author via ME! ... and the public library... (LOOOVE the library)

This book has brought us a ton of laughter... and is a staple in our family reading times...

Since christmas... our boys have developed a DEEP love of books (or perhaps it's just snuggling on our laps)... its almost frightening how many books we've read in the past few days!... But I've loved every minute (well most)...

In the midst of this... we've been making BIG plans... well really... just option A, B, C, D etc... you get the point... we find, every time (EVERY TIME) we "plan" something... God has other plans... we're obliged (and happy) to follow his lead... :)

It's been a year or two... of recklessly pairing down what we own... what we use... I've been a bit addicted to the idea of ... living simply... websites like unclutter, welivesimply, zenliving ... and others have kept my obsession fueled...

It started when we moved into our home, after the renovation... I thought it would be cool to keep our counters clutter free... ie. no microwave OR toaster ... and we did so without a microwave for a year... and then... with friends mocking us... :) and finding it inconvienent... I gave in... because... I am a hostess at heart... however... we have YET to buy a toaster... many a bagel or toast... might wish we'd invested... as they found their demise forgotten, in the oven... :)

anyhow.... with the new year coming... this week... I cleaned out our kitchen cupboards... 5 bags of kitchen crap (extra bowls, measuring stuff, a george forman grill and all sorts of other stuff) AND 1 box of books... another few of clothes...

I use to pack up things for a few weeks, and if I didn't look for something that was packed for that time... I'd go ahead and give it away...

However... I've found... that I can't even remember what I've given away once it's gone!
I *think* I need things, will use things... but... I really don't.

I even considered a nook or kindle in the past year... to cut down on book clutter... however... I'm a sucker for a REAL book... and I loove the art I make in books when I read them... I practically journal in and among the words already printed... :)

nothing compares people.

anyhow.

We as a family have been purging. Cars. Toys. Kitchen stuff. Books. Clothes.

And it feels good.

Our plans? ... well Wednesday I'll tell you more...

today.

2010-12-22T15:01:00.000-08:00

I need to remember that I choose the unknown and unknowable...

I choose to live trusting that my needs (not necessarily wants) will be provided for...

Today, I need to remember I choose... the rocky uphill road for now...

sometimes I just need a little inspiration...

2010-12-16T08:22:00.000-08:00

and design mom ALWAYS does the trick...
along with a flip through a few magazines...
a long email with dear friends...

a good visit from my sister...

today is going to be better than yesterday... I'm pretty sure of it...

;)

I've been busy...

2010-11-27T23:07:00.001-08:00

making this baby grow...
cleaning house...
vacationing...

keeping max safe...
trying to tell jokes with Caiah... (I need some new knock knock jokes people!)

snuggling with my sweet husband... enjoy the rain tonight...

AND

capturing a few family members cuteness...

looking forward to heading home tomorrow... however I almost wish we could stay...

between the fireplace... and the ocean... :) ... it's hard to say goodbye... ;)

I'm afraid of the refrigerator.

2010-11-18T16:04:00.000-08:00

ours is FULL right now... and all messy... I can't hardly tell what's in there...
I KNOW we have some delicious soup and lasagna leftovers... and apples...

ALSO... in a made dash to make some shelf room I put a bunch of forgotten leftovers on one shelf... you know... the kind you don't dare eat... and you MIGHT just toss the whole tupperware away less you contaminate yourself with ... who knows what kind of mold... :)

yep.

that's my frig.

maybe tomorrow.

hmmm...

2010-11-12T11:34:00.001-08:00

a few moments to blog...

but alas... looks like I got nothin' to say today...

enjoy the sun friends...

s

faux fur & vintage heels.

2010-11-03T23:27:00.001-07:00

good lord.
I'm pregnant.
Why oh WHY am I soo drawn to buy this stuff...

mondays' to do's

2010-11-01T09:39:00.000-07:00

~~edit.~~ 40% done.
upload to hard drive.
~~take chairs into to get upholstered. estimates. etc.~~ (nope. I'm gonna let the pro's do it) $55 for one medium chair!!! Beautiful!
~~ACTS drop - and thrift shop a tad~~
fold 6 loads of laundry - put away
do laundry :) (it's endless)
take photos of house!!
~~go for a walk.~~ Found a NEW shoot location for a semi-athletic family!

renewed hope & inspiration.

2010-11-01T09:32:00.000-07:00

I think this lady is amazing. Mother to now... SIX...
AND after reading Gabrielle Blair's FAQ's ... I really respect her too...

"How do you do it all? How do you achieve work/life balance? After the trough question, this is my next most frequently asked question. And the answer is: I don’t. Not even close. In fact, on some level, I believe the whole idea is a myth. If my blog is really good on a given week, then you can bet my house is a wreck. If my blog seems a little bleh, then it’s guaranteed we’ve got a lot going on at home. If you know me in real life, then you know I work in my pjs as often as possible and that I’m a very typical mom. As each new child joins our family, I have to learn to be a more flexible and lower my expectations another notch. (Want more on this topic? I was interviewed in detail about how the Blairs manage things here.)"

Such a great reminder of what matters... and attempting some sort of balance...

what I do. what I'm thinking.

2010-10-24T20:50:00.001-07:00

I make babies.
I do dishes & laundry.
I clean very little, thanks to my mother in law who blesses me each birthday with house cleaning...
I organize the hell out of anything I touch.
I love throwing parties. low key... family friendly...pretty gatherings ripe with conversation...
I cuddle & tickle daily.
I remind my munchkins not to put their fingers in their noses.
I beg them not to put their mouths on things mouth heights when we travel... you know like gas station counters... and atms...
I love moments of clarity.
I love crossfit.
I love when my home is quiet... or when it's filled with music... or laughing children...
I love traveling... and taking adventures, as I call them, wish the kids...
I procrastinate daily.
I hate failing. OR feeling like I'm failing something...
I have a love-hate relationship with photography for this reason...

to do lists... and other thoughts...

2010-10-18T21:27:00.000-07:00

today I talked with a mama, who said... she was wanting to check my blog today to see if I was feeling what she was feeling... you know... about managing the chaos of ever bounding... curious... kiddos...

and it got me thinking...
I often discredit any mom talk... on put on my blog... because I assume... each of us moms... get enough of mamahood... in our own worlds... but had completely forgotten... how comforting to hear... that other mama's struggle to keep their kids off the kitchen table too.... or walk around half awake... or even... admittedly take in more caffeine than recommended while pregnant...

life is full.
have I mentioned that before.

I find myself DAILY trying to decide which is more deserving of my time.
dishes or bathing.
laundry or meal prep.
smut tv watching or racing, racing, racing cars...
a workout or sleep.

I have soo many visions for our home... and I'm highly frustrated when I can't bring them to fruition...
but we're making slow progress...

tomorrow I'm hoping.
to hit Crossfit 6am... or some sort of exercise...
make it on time to dr's appt for Max
remember board mtg for preschool

drop lens to amber... pack lunch for cai...
keep laundry moving... finish those damn dirty dishes...
work on new business stuff
enjoy the rain

yes. it's true... this blog has been ALMOST abandoned...

2010-10-15T00:01:00.000-07:00

I know it's sad...

I shed a tear for... what was once a daily routine of mine... back when only one lil one filled my lap and mind...

now... there are two... running, climbing, singing... explorers ... monkeys... lil monsters in the house...

Honestly. There are soo many reasons why I haven't blogged in the past month.

1. I value my electronics safety
2. I barely can make time to shower let alone get any REAL exercise
3. Sometimes... I like my privacy... I know... shocking...
4. holy crap. I travel too much with kids = too many personal photos to edit/post and less time
5. I have a secret I've been trying to keep...
6. I suck at keeping secrets...
7. I am a perfectionist, who feels waaaay off her game
8. I have endless ideas and a VERY finite amount of time & energy
9. I like being outside... (refer to #1 for clarity)
10. I've wanted to try pairing down what I do daily... to see if it helped give me a little more sanity...

I was thinking I needed a little something new and different...
(Hey God... I was thinking like... new daily routines or a new hair cut or... a bike to ride... even a new friend... )

and the irony is...

we've got one.

a little unexpected... unplanned change... coming our way... somewhere in the beginning of May!

baby #3 ... holy crap... 10 weeks this week... and still trying to wrap my head around it all...

craiglist find... I'm drooling...

2010-09-26T08:40:00.000-07:00

I WANT this... but alas... dont think I can figure out a reasonable place for it in my house...

click the photo for a link... but promise if you buy it ... you brag too much about it...

a new dress...

2010-09-26T03:32:00.000-07:00

I JUST bought this...

we have one million weddings in the next few weeks... and... the dress dept of my closet is a little too filled with cotton... to attend two evening weddings!!!

sooo...
this is the dress...

now ...
any suggestions on shoes, necklace or coat?

feeling sluggish and unproductive.

2010-09-23T17:37:00.000-07:00

you know the feeling.

BUT I'm working on a plan A, B & C... to move past this...

A. Have a plan. (when that fails)

B. Ask for help. (when that fails)

C. Make a new plan. (when that fails)

.... take a nap... ;)

on August 24...

2010-09-14T17:00:00.000-07:00

It hit me. we are a family of four.

one of the many reasons blogging has been, sparse...
is because... my boys...well one in particular... has this amazing knack of getting himself in tricky situations... on top of tables... in little nooks you didn't know existed... inside cabinets...

I have to keep my eyes on him... and literally any moment I don't have eyes on him... I MUST be able to hear him... otherwise... trouble... TROUBLE... as noted by last wednesday's post...

organic produce.

2010-09-14T00:01:00.001-07:00

so two on my list of my 30x30 are going organic... and simplifing...
where we can...
how we can...
without going completely broke... (the organic part)

we've been working on finding cleaning agents that are biodegradable... but still work
big fan of most method products... although the laundry detergent isn't my fave
love costco's eco friendly dish/hand soap... smells like heaven... or like I imagine it might... :)

I've been purging my clothes... our belongings... toys... kitchen gagets ... old shoes... pretty much anything is game...
I've also been intentional about how we're planning our days... what we're doing with our time...
I'm trying to slow down... and embrace quality time with folks (not hard for me... ) but not overbook myself or the kiddos... I'm TRYING to travel less... but that, my friends, may be a lost cause, as I'm really a gypsy at heart...

we had a garden going for a short time... but alas... without watering timers... its a loss cause...
next year perhaps.

sooo instead we're trying this... farm fresh to you for now... $31.50 a week (we're doing every other week) PLUS we supplement and buy banana's, apples and usually some sort of berry... maybe another melon...

week one. looked like this.
honestly. it didn't seem like I got our monies worth... it was a WHOLE lot of tomatoes... and califlower doesn't seem to sit well with Tim and I... sooo... yeah... the grapes and watermelon were ABSOLUTELY AMAZING... really... AMAZING!

week two. very usable for our home and eaters...
every tastes delish so far...

week three. we love the plums.

DOES anyone know if there is such a thing as purple basil?

What herb is this?!?!

They give a $5 discount per week, to me, if you mention my last name (Scheidler) ... or if someone mentions yours... kinda a nice gig...

AND it ALL is delivered to your door... anyone who has kids can appreciate ANYTHING that doesn't demand a trip to the store...

reflecting...

2010-09-13T22:50:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking... again... a... lot...

about life... (Did you know Max is one... and Caiah almost FOUR!)
what's really important... (creating, living healthy, being real... loving)
how I want to spend my time... my free time... my time with the kiddos... with tim...

I've been thinking about how much I've missed my daily dose of crossfit... and how there is nothing like it... not. a. thing... sure I can workout from home... or go for a run... but there is nothing like being asked to lift heavy shit over your head from the ground (like last thursday)... and knowing that you won't fail... there is nothing like the look on EVERYONE's face and the rising and deflating chests after a mini wod... I know of very few places where people come together... asking for a daily physical AND mental challenge... and then... take it head on...

life is full right now...
we've been looking at starting a back yard reno...
I've been cleaning out Tim's office ... from my crafty clutter...
Tim and I have both been feeling like change is in the wind... for our family... but not sure what that will look like... burning the tv perhaps? ;)

I've felt a sudden surge to create... to clean... and to let folded laundry sit... in the laundry basket...

O and the biggest news... this is paper plate week... I decided. I LOATHE paper plates... for soo many reasons... but it was one way to cut down on one of my daily jobs... so we're giving it a try...
hate it... but something's gotta give...

wordless wednesday

2010-09-07T22:48:00.000-07:00

craigslist find

2010-08-28T10:54:00.000-07:00

wish we had room for this in Caiah's room...

their asking $225... I would pay $150 or so...

painted out... with new knobs... this could be super cool for storage and sleeping!!!

passions...

2010-08-26T00:01:00.000-07:00

Food for thought...

Tim directed me to this blog a while back... knowing my love of organization...
recently I stumbled upon this post... which has prompted a few ongoing thoughts I've been having regarding my life...

What are you passionate about?

family & stewardship

If your first answer was your kids, what else are you passionate about?

creating

Are you pursuing your passion now, or have you put it aside for later?

umm... both?

If you’re not pursuing your passion, what’s holding you back?

time...

and you?

playing with new hair ideas...

2010-08-25T05:00:00.000-07:00

and my favorite

good times.

wonder if I can pull one of these off... without a stylists help... hmmm...

before & after

2010-08-23T22:35:00.000-07:00

I LOOVE getting my hair cut...

however... I don't like paying for it particually...
soo I thought ... I'd give it a try...

nothing fancy...

sooo I pulled out my cheap sewing scissors... pulled my hair back in a pony... and cut it...
a few little snips more... and I was done...

:) money saved...
hair cut...

lovely.

I'm alive... really...

2010-08-09T22:57:00.000-07:00

man... I cannot believe how time is flying these days...

I've been crazy busy with very little to show for it... except of course... a smile...

We've had out of town guests... so good to be with old friends!

We successfully celebrated Max turning ONE... He's now literally running & climbing onto table tops... keeping me laughing... running and trying not to have heart attacks... when I turn and can't find him where I've left him... 2 seconds earlier.. :)

Caiah finds it generally amusing when I shreek... because he's usually holding Max from falling off... whatever... or taking away the marble Max found... Caiah has been enjoying his new bunk bed... playdates with friends... and music class.. where he can be with more friends... social little creatures these almost 4 yr olds are... ? who knew?

I've been busy purging away ... toys... clothes... more clothes... knick knacks... I don't need, use or want... Just trying to simplify life in general... things get soo out of balance around here soo fast...

Organizing... the garage... the kitchen a little... our closets a TON... did I mention I've been purging BINS & BINS of baby clothes... ;) the living is almost a living work of art... I am sooo happy with it!!!

I've been reading... Creative Spirituality... NYC tour books... the reason for god... a TON of magazines... looove me some magazines! On my little trip I tried out my lovely mother in laws kindle... what a great travel item!!! loved it... not sure I would use it day to day... but really great for many reading options with less clutter...

speaking of travel... o man... new york was amazing... just a wonderful time... of wandering around doing nothing but what I wanted... It was a lovely selfish time... Just taking a good ole vacation from the normal day to day life... which for the record ... I do loooove... but a refreshing change of pace & focus for a few days...

more on that later...

for now... that's the update...
life is full as always... but wonderful...

yes I'm still smiling... it should last a while...

max is ONE year old.

2010-07-22T12:09:00.000-07:00

Today Max is ONE!
I am soo grateful for our little Maxwell...

He is an amazing creature...

He can climb in a drawer, stand up and wave his hands... (as if he's in dire need of help) with a smile on his face...

He can use sign language to communicate his most pressing needs...

He is always eager and willing to explore NEW and untouched territory...

He is LOVES & LIVES life FULLY... complete with sound effects...

I love my little Max!

I love the way you can COUNT on him to crawl out the door AS SOON as it's opened...

I can't wait to watch him GROW...

life list...

2010-07-15T18:01:00.000-07:00

I'd LOVE a few more ideas... to add... to my life list... any thoughts friends?

* if it's in BOLD I've done it already...

Visit Hawaii

Be given flowers from a secret admirer

Watcha meteor shower

Climb a mountain

sing a solo

Visit Paris

Grow your own vegetables

See the Mona Lisa in France (I THINK I've done... but I can't remember... : / probably doesn't count aye?)

Sleep on an overnight train

Have a pillow fight

Go cliff jumping

Take a sick day when I'm not ill

Build a snow fort

Go skinny dipping

Swim Waikiki Bay

Watch a sunrise or sunset

Hit a home run

Go on a cruise

See Niagara Falls in person

Visit the birthplace of your ancestors

See an Amish community

Live in an artist community

Teach myself a new language

Go rock climbing

See Michelangelo’s David

Sing karaoke

Buy a stranger a meal at a restaurant

Visit Africa

Walk on a beach by moonlight

Trail run at night

Have your portrait painted

See the Sistine Chapel in person

Go to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris

Go snorkeling

Kiss in the rain

Play in the mud

Go to a drive-in theater

Start a business

Serve at a soup kitchen

Sold Girl Scout Cookies

Go whale watching

Get flowers for no reason

Donate blood, platelets or plasma

Bounce a check

Visit the Lincoln Memorial

Piece a quilt

Stand in Times Square

Be fired from a job

See the Changing of the Guards in London

Brake a bone

See the Grand Canyon in person

Publish a book

Visit the Vatican

Buy a brand new car

Read the entire Bible

Visit the White House

Save someone’s life

Join a book club

Have a baby

Own a cell phone

Play on the beach in Malibu

Own a shack, house or even a hole in the wall on a beach

Be a bridesmaid

Catch the bouquet

Be engaged

Visit to Las Vegas

Be given a kiss that makes you weak in the knees

Kept a secret for a good friend no one else knows

Shared a secret with a friend you haven't shared with anyone else

Visit to Greece

Own a jeep

Get a tattoo

Visit Fiji

Camp in Yosemite

Ride in a hot air balloon

Visit Thailand

Visit Australia

Backpack through Europe

Support sustainable farming

Create daily

Simplify daily

I have a cold.

2010-07-14T23:09:00.000-07:00

bleh.

hoping I can kick this thing by friday...

the boys and I have been having a nice low key week...

max is almost ONE... it's unbelievable... and VERY believable... all in the same breath...

He's a happy little guy... until... he's not happy...

tomorrow I hope to...

get a nap

take a walk

buy some art online

make an ikea shopping list

shop craigslist

set up posts for photography blog... I have ONE MILLION projects that are ready for release...

....

30x30 update.

making progress on...

3. find my waist – somehow it seems to be appearing… although… my weight is… still the same… grateful nonetheless…

5. live off our land... Go organic – garden abandoned… co-gardner had a job change…

8. create back yard plan & play areas – contacted remodel architect to help dream… he has beautiful ideas… and gets us

9. ~~grow hair out, past shoulders~~ – did it… and cut it… J

11. create a life list (like gwen bell) – list started

14. lose 20+ pounds – still at 170lbs for past 3 weeks… booo!

~~15. nest more & more often~~ – doing it

17. every room in house "decorated" – actively working with friend to get this DONE

19. simplify

20. get away alone – NEW YORK TRIP SCHEDULED

21. reconnect with friends – TIME w/old roomies scheduled

~~24. purge purge purge my belongings~~ At LEAST 6 trips to Goodwill made in 5 months...

New York City?

2010-07-12T15:10:00.000-07:00

Yep... you read it right... in just a few short weeks... I will be headed to NYC!!!

ALL by myself!!!!

I can't hardly believe it... I'm honestly not quite sure what I'll do during the plane rides... BUT rest assured... I will use my free time WISELY!!!

NYC is one of my favorite places in the WORLD... Italy, Germany, NYC & SF.... then a myriad of beach towns follow...

Sooo... I've found a hotel... priceline helped with that... which... I do kind of regret... but there were just TOO MANY options... the TOP runners were The Roosevelt Hotel AND The Ace

(Side note. Tim and I will stay at The Ace: Palm Springs later this year!) pretty pricey for a 4 night stay... decided to take a cheaper route... and spend the money on food...etc

NOW!

I'd like to buy a comfy pair of shoes...

AND

Make a top to do list for my days in NY...

Here's the list soo far...

visit...

staten island ferry

brooklyn bridge

coney island

central park

shop markets (I'm thinking flea markets?)

hit an art museum

Basically. Eat sleep take photos... shop... and repeat...

Sounds fun, right?

Need YOUR help with suggestions for SHOES and things to EXPERIENCE in NY!

friday.

2010-07-09T12:00:00.000-07:00

really. it's already friday?

where DID this week go?

o right... I was at the beach...

this afternoon-evening, that is thursday...

I spent with my eyes covered. sleeping. fighting a migraine. probably the worst I've had in years.

ugh. no fun.

now. I'm WIDE awake... at yes... 1 am...

trying to be productive... but not wanting to wake the fam...

today. friday. I will.

do dishes

keep laundry moving

attend make up music class with boys

lunch with Ada, if all goes well

meet up with bug guy

go to ball game with fam

5 things

2010-07-08T23:25:00.001-07:00

5 things you may not know about lil ole me...

1. I am a night owl by nature... but LOOVE to wake up early IF I've had sleep and my daily dose of zoloft.

2. I CHOOSE to submit daily to choices that support my long term goals.

3. I am in or out but RARELY in betweeen...

4. I have a love/hate relationship with the great outdoors... I suppose that illustrates #3

5. I believe in first impressions & second chances (but only once;) )

Save Hahamongna

2010-07-07T12:34:00.000-07:00

There are soo many wonderful things about Pasadena and the surrounding areas... but one of my favorites is the ability to go from my local target... to green spaces... in about 10 minutes... my surroundings can be completely transformed...

A beautiful little treasure is hidden in Pasadena... I honestly didn't know about it until JUST recently!

I use it for mild trail running, photo shoots... and of course a nice walk...

Hahamongna is a lovely multi purpose green space, open to all!

It is currently being looked at as a setting for a soccer field...

Boooooo!

Today is Blog day for Hahamongna... Take a minute to check out their website... learn more!!!

A little weekend away...

2010-07-03T22:06:00.000-07:00

We're away...

eating really well...

enjoying our surroundings...

(um side note... cops on glorified golf carts?)

thursday.

2010-07-01T21:32:00.000-07:00

Tonight I need to pack...

I can't wait to spend the weekend with some dear friends... and be near the beach...

I'm looking forward to walking on the island... watching Cai, Max and friends play...

I'm hoping for some peace and quiet somewhere along the way... maybe even a moment to look into Tim's eyes... and tell him I love him... He and I are really caught up in our day to day routines... they seem to propel us forward... and sometimes we miss eachother...

I need to get laundry done... and pack...

get the house all tidied up before we leave... pack the car up nice with treats for our LOONG trip with traffic expected...

Tonight I ran away for a bit... I needed a little escape from my little people...

I had a few small errands to get done... and then... I was itching to do something different... something out of the ordinary for me...

sooo... I took a short drive and jumped out of the car shortly after sun set... just to sit & stare at the mountains... and listen to nature... thought it might calm my spirit down... but no... not so much... tomorrow will be somewhat stressful... getting things packed up while Tim works...

hoping to share some more upbeat and inspiring thoughts a little later...

feeling behind

2010-06-30T13:15:00.000-07:00

not to be confused with feeling my behind or behind feeling... or any other combination of those words...

however... I'm making progress...

Mondays.

2010-06-21T07:16:00.000-07:00

A new start to a lovely week.

on my list for the week...

swim lessons for Cai & mama & me with max

make a goodwill run (drop off)

pay bills

call contractors for bids on garage reno

call bug folks for bids

make & mail max's invites

take before photos of house (more on why... later...)

back!

2010-06-20T06:27:00.000-07:00

Florida is beautiful.

The green flat lands... the beaches ... everything is beautiful.

although I couldn't shake the feeling we were being followed by a gator the whole time ;)

I can't believe my Dad now lives about 12 hours travel time, away from us.

I love my uncle herb & linda. They fed us, let us use their pool and played tour guide.

My boys are the best kid travelers.

and the most shocking of all... we forgot to grab the battery for the nice camera... sooo point and shoot shots are all your gonna get... next time...

now back to getting things unpacked and repacked for our next adventure on friday...

before I leave...

2010-06-11T21:26:00.000-07:00

I NEED to.

run the mud run with my pal

leave out kid carriers for erin

Mail a few photo projects out

back up computer

pick up camera (before 6pm)

clean house

find someone who wants our fruits and veggies (as not to waste good food)

do laundry

gas in car

call S to remind him to take us to the airport :)

hit up target for... travel table covers, powdered juice, new books & movies for cai, travel case for DVD player, a coloring book... anti bacterial wipes...

pay bills

leave spare key(s)

PACK.

remember portable high chair

stroller, car seats, razor scooter & helmet

swim suits

baby blankets

electronic chargers

toiletries

a few diapers

formula, bottles

snacks

o man... tomorrow will be busy...

my desk

2010-06-08T23:00:00.000-07:00

one of my favorite places to sit in the house...

I can hear/see the kids play outside... I can watch max get into mischief inside...

I can see and feel the sun... and green things growing...

I can edit edit edit... :)

It's a good place...

this is gonna be a FULL weekend....

2010-06-04T21:31:00.000-07:00

FULL of ALL of my favorite things!!!

Tomorrow

I may go for a little run...

then have a few shoots lined up @ one of my favorite pasadena locations!

THEN

A whole lot of nothing... which will actually be... probably folding clothes... purging stuff... maybe a little nap... sorting toys... clothes... and OF course...playing outside... maybe EVEN some swimming!

Sunday, Tim and I, are spending the day together with friends.... and get this... no children...

We'll run the mud run... drink alcohol... be together... and with some of our MOST favorite people!!! Can't wait! It has been a LOONG time since we've spent a day together without the kiddos!!!

Sunday pm I'm hoping to get a TON of editing done... should be a perfect way to end the weekend!!!

thursday's to do's

2010-06-02T22:06:00.000-07:00

play play play with kiddos

appointment with cabinet guy

secure rental car for next week

start packing for trip to FLORIDA!

boxes to basement

do, PURGE, fold what's left, put away laundry

back up computer... clear hard drive (YIKES! I've been putting this one off)

dishes.... booo! eating at home nice and healthy = LOTS of dishes...

wordless wednesday

2010-06-02T05:00:00.000-07:00

much is left unsaid lately...

2010-05-31T21:33:00.000-07:00

for instance...

I'm feeling like I have more of a brain, than less

My babies are sleeping THROUGH the night, most nights... the TWO are most certainly connected...

It's been two weeks of eating well... and I'm down 10 lbs... a little fast, yes I know... but I'm eating LOTS of good food... and not over doing the exercising... soo....I'll take it... DON'T offer me any poision people... I'll politely decline!!!

I've cut back on basically everything... to focus on the kids, tim, me and the house... which still leaves a nice loooong list for EACH day... and FULL days of all things important ...

I'm back at Crossfit for the next 6 weeks (6am) to make SIGNIFICANT progress on my weight (30lbs to go) and overall strength and speed (the goal. sub 9 minute mile)... a little ME time...

I feel VERY disconnected from most folks I have, in the past, felt VERY CONNECTED to and with... and that feels odd... but for the most part oddly ok...

I'd love to blog more intentionally... more creatively... and about deeper topics of the heart...

I'd love to share my thoughts on life with you all... more often... BUT I'm happily busy racing caiah and saving max from fatal falls... it's very important work!!! :)

I'm looking sooo forward to summer... summer is ALWAYS my favorite time of year... new routines... more freedom... crafting days... outside play... swimming swimming and more swimming... day trips to new places... early mornings filled with sunlight... which means starting the day waaay earlier than normal... :)

and with that... good night... and happy almost JUNE!!!

new things.

2010-05-30T00:18:00.000-07:00

his & hers

wordless wednesday

2010-05-26T10:43:00.000-07:00

today.

2010-05-25T13:48:00.000-07:00

outside in cali...

is warm... breezy and just about perfect

in my head...

it's just about blank... well except for the thought that I think I'm getting a migraine

i am hoping...

to get the house under control before tim gets home AND run a few errands

lofty. I know.

one goal for the week...

eat paleo. no sugar, very little processed foods and no gluten.

this week my boys...

are GROWING... they've both ate TWICE as much as they normally do for lunch...

something god is trying to teach me...

to let go and make peace where ever possible

plans for the rest of the week...

exercise, laundry, dishes, purge belongings, play AND repeat...

nesting... because I can...

2010-05-24T20:23:00.000-07:00

I am feeling an intense desire to make my home less chaotic... visually... physically... emotionally :)

so what better way to do than to start purging... our belongings...

so today I started with my closet... which for the record... I just did two weeks ago... but then realized I was holding out...

two weeks ago... it was my dresser and closet... and then my pj's... and well I tried to sort and get rid of some workout clothes... but... made little progress on that front...

so... now... I think I'll hit my shoes... my flip flops are almost out of life... how I love my flippies...

hoodies and flips are things I collect... :)

but I trying to take some strides to live life less complicatedly... own less... do less...

hard to imagine aye?

YARD SALE

2010-05-20T22:01:00.000-07:00

For those of you who LOOVE bargains AND supporting Caiah's preschool...

COME BUY SOME LOVELY NEW/GENTLY USED GOODIES!!!

40+families have cleaned out their closets and purged their homes!!!!

COME SPEND YOUR MONEY!

SATURDAY MAY 22

8:00am to 12:00pm

716 Adelaine Ave

South Pasadena

ALL PROCEEDS WILL GO TOWARDS OUR ARTIFICIAL TURF FUND!!!

today.

2010-05-17T16:41:00.000-07:00

a miracle happened... well not exactly...

but it was a pretty special day for a certain male scheidler...

Tim got his motorcycle permit!

Check out his facebook to see the challenges of the day... INCLUDING a POP TEST on his REGULAR DRIVERS LICENSE!!!! He hadn't come prepared for THAT!!!

church on sunday?

2010-05-16T12:39:00.000-07:00

Yes. this morning.
I went to church on sunday.

at 9a.

Dr. John Perkins spoke.
Not to be confused with John Perkins...

:)

Max was crying in the nursery after an hour... I had to leave the service. It was a moving message of reconciliation.

I played with the kids in the nursery for the rest of service... one little gal kept coming over and sitting in my lap... it was very sweet... my boys don't do that much... they are too busy :)

This afternoon will be nutty... Tim heads back to church @3p for a triple header tonight... I'm going to try and tag along with the boys so they get to see him...and I get to see him today...

today is sunday. did I mention that?

a few things I LOVE about Caiah.

2010-05-14T22:38:00.000-07:00

1. He says, while jumping up and down "O goody goody goody... O goody!" when he's excited about something... frequently food related :)

2. He is crazy brave...

3. He loooves to snuggle with his mama AND daddy

4. He calls us by our first names, in a sweet voice, if we don't answer by the 3rd time...

5. He will smile for the camera... but always wants to give his final approval of the photo after it's taken...

6. He adores other kids...

7. He argues EVERY day that he's not tired... but sleeps for 2+ hours when I ask him to rest for 30 minutes

8. He runs EVERYWHERE

9. He'd rather be outside than ANYWHERE else

10. He say's "I aren't gonna do it!" when he's really frustrated about something he is being told to do.

time for a hair cut.

2010-05-11T08:11:00.000-07:00

today!

Before.

After

just a little trim and a few new long layers...

still working on growing it out...

crossfit LIVE!

2010-05-08T15:55:00.000-07:00

seriously... if you have some time today... and want to get a closer look at the best of the best...

check out the regional competition!!!

IT'S LIVE STREAMING VIDEO!

Can't WAIT to get back in full fledge!

These folks are SOOO inspiring...

STRONG PHYSICALLY. STRONGER MENTALLY.

Much love to my peeps taking on these workouts! You ARE amazing!

I don't like wine.

2010-05-06T07:23:00.000-07:00

BUT I looove Scott.

Check out his guest post if you have ANY interest in wine... or Scott ;)

the art of communication.

2010-05-06T06:00:00.000-07:00

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

I find this ABSOLUTELY fascinating!!!

"conversation has turned into efficiency not... relationships"

Isn't THAT the truth... Over the past 4 years I've gone from calling folks, to emailing, to facebooking, to TEXTING... as a regular form of communication to arrange meetings, check in on friends... it's CRAZY...

last month a friend CALLED and I was genuinely caught COMPLETELY off guard when I asked "so why you calling... ? everything ok?" and she replied... "YEAH, I didn't call for ANY reason... just to chat, was thinking of you..." we laughed about how weird and foreign that was... to call... just cause... it was delightfully refreshing to get a call... to chat... without any strings or to do lists attached...

it is soo true for my life... that most of my "relationships" I have, have breath... but little depth... how I loooooong for more depth.... we pray for people to do life with... the good AND the bad... people who will speak their minds and will be present with us... in the joys and sorrows of life...

I'm soo intrigued by the professors quote ... that ... "we can sustain 5 deep relationships... we should give more time to that..."

It was weird to think about 5 folks... that might be my "deep relationships" ... how these people have changed over the years...

more time to those 5... hmmm... that would be novel...

I want to be more about relationships and less about efficiency.

to do's & thoughts

2010-05-05T08:00:00.000-07:00

today.
I must figure out my game plan for prepping for the mud run... which is in ONE MONTH.
AND... the Strawberry Tri... which is in MID JULY...
Max is ALMOST completely bottle fed at this point. He's only nursing once or twice at night...
For some reason he ONLY seems to bite during the day... otherwise... he's kind to me... :) ... Most night's he also sleeping thru... which is wonderful... Can't wait to get back to Crossfit regularly...
I tried to do 24 hour fitness in the weee hours of the morning... and while waking up wasn't a problem... running on a treadmill was awful... this week I'm trying to walk for an hour wearing max (20lbs +) while Cai's in preschool... Max gets a nap... I get exercise... boring but exercise...
I found this beautiful trail area near the rose bowl... was planning on running that a few times a week... but I need to find some peeps willing to run with me... anyone up for it?

I'm pretty much back to pre-Max weight... now I'd like to work off the last 20-25 pounds from Caiah :) ... keeping perspective can be hard for me sometimes... I make a little progress slowly... :) ... soo slowly that sometimes I forget I've made any progress... until of course I see a photo... from before... or pull out clothing that is WAAAY to big or small ;)

so. the goals. lose weight. get stronger. get faster. sounds reasonable, right? ;)
and do it by walking... ;)

I stumbled onto something today... a thought... I don't want to be the person who appears perfect... but I'd like to have my sh!t together... :) ...

today.

I will exercise

~~eat~~

plan dinner

~~do some laundry~~

~~fold and put away laundry~~

~~work on photo projects~~

~~pay bills~~

~~make cupcakes for preschool picnic~~

plan out summer trips

cancel a few credit cards

~~find a plane mileage credit card (any suggestions out there?)~~

~~read~~

~~and probably a million other things...~~

seriously. too funny.

2010-05-04T22:19:00.000-07:00

tim and I are in the market for a new car.

tim would like a mini van... for me to drive.

I would prefer something else...

he found this today... and I can't stop laughing...
brilliant marketing toyota!

my garden GROWS!

2010-04-25T00:00:00.000-07:00

it's slow... but it's growing...

a little soap and water to kill the aphids...

(anyone know any other tips on keeping the bugs off?

watering... or just letting the rain work for me...

and

we're making progress...

I now have round 3 of seedlings in the works!!! Can't wait to plant them!!!

collage trial.

2010-04-24T01:12:00.000-07:00

dang.

this is gonna be fun.

finally had a moment to figure out how to make a collage with photoshop... holy crud it's easy!

thanks Erin Orr... for motivating me...

now I can give you a tutorial!

xo.

look forward to MUCH more collaging my friends.

i blog.

2010-04-21T14:48:00.000-07:00

because I have little time... and this allows me sooome sort of creative outlet...

because I want to connect with the outside world...

because I have friends who live... near AND FFfffffffffffar... far far away... and this helps us stay somewhat up to date... with eachothers lives...

Sooo with that...

Max is napping. Cai is watching Brum... bundled in blankets... but refusing to wear more than a tank top and undies :) ... the laundry is going... the dishwasher is running...

and I've finished my second or maybe third... cup of coffee for the day...

our bed is kinda made...

I can think of ten people I really wish I could do dinner with... or spend a quiet afternoon chatting without interruption...

I am finding myself falling in love with my husband all over again... via our children...

last night while snuggling with Caiah at bedtime... he said "mom don't smile!" ... and I said "ok? why?" while smiling again... "mom! don't smile!" ... "ok?" "Mom it's a joke don't you know?" ... aaaa of course it is! ;) ... later he explained it's daddy's joke...

even with the sleepless nights... and sacrafices of things I loooove... having happy kids makes it worth it... kids that want to be with us... that explore the world bravely.... that have developed their OWN sense of humor... it's all worth the gray hairs... and bags under my eyes... o ... and the last 15 pounds I may never lose....

still sickies...

2010-04-19T12:37:00.000-07:00

boo.

me. cai & maxxy

boo. boo. boo.

also.

I seem to have misplaced my mascara... hair spray... and a million other SUPER random things... in the past month... and it's making me BATTY trying to relocate them... I suspect a certain 3 yr old is messing with me...

I feel like I've been doing the laundry for a week. O WAIT. I have.

Ran up, with Max in my arms and Cai ahead of me, the trail head of Mt. Wilson saturday morning... It was beautiful... Cai LOOOVED it... Hoping we can make it a Saturday morning tradition...

Time to get back to the grind of motherhood... more pretty pictures of the garden soon...

today...

2010-04-12T18:24:00.000-07:00

I've been holding a baby with a cold... who's also teething....

AND folding laundry... well... at least a little... :)

AND loooving the weather...

Jenga!

2010-04-12T06:11:00.000-07:00

You know the game. Build it up. Pull the pieces out strategically. Wait to see which piece makes the WHOLE thing topple.

A friend recently compared the game to life as a parent...

As you pull the pieces out... as a parent, you're adding things in...

there's the basics like... feed, bathe and clothe your children... AND then... the same for your self and spouse...

and then... drop offs and pick ups... NURTURING... their natural talents... and gently challenging their weaknesses... TEACHING them about the world around them... MODELING kindness, compassion, honesty... fortitude... patience... or at least trying to :)

AND THEN... playdates... field trips... thoughtful play times around the homestead... park trips...

AND yes... then sleeping and caring for your self and spouse...

JENGA!

The anxiety of the balancing act is exhausting.

I have discovered a few things about myself as we (our little family unit) have grown.

1. I am a perfectionist, though I try to remind myself to "LET GO" ... moment by moment...

2. I have MUCH less time then I need and want, DAILY, like 12 hours too few...

SOOO...

I've decided to start doing things a bit different*... cause the variations of the regular schedule and routines weren't working for our family... along with other complications... like Tim becoming an athlete... :)

most days will start at 3:50am.

I will hit a mean treadmill workout (read: GOD THIS SH!T SUCKS... but it's what's gotta happen for now)

Return for, what will hopefully be, 2 hours of shower, breakfast prep and work time... with kids still sleeping...

and on with the rest of the day...

I plan on ingesting LOTS of coffee (& water)...

and heading to bed right around 8pm...

One day down.

Wish me luck.

*I reserve the right to completely abandon my new efforts at any time. :)

hmmm...

2010-04-12T00:00:00.000-07:00

sooo... I've been toying with the idea of embracing my firm belief that less IS more...

and trying to specifically apply it... to ... ME...

It is painfully simple for me to apply it to friends and family...

the past few weekends have been spent ... helping family... purge and organize...

I looove helping others get organized... and work more efficiently...

HOWEVER.

for some reason, in the past 6 months... it's grown increasingly hard for me to do the same at home...

I've been toying with the idea of purging my clothes... like a HUGE overhaul... and not just to clean out the closet to fill it back up... but to just... par down... what I have... hoping it will also turn into what Caiah has... what max has ... to wear.... (Tim, he needs more clothes... so I won't take anything from him :) )

wondering if anyone has done such... if they've had any regrets... thoughts... or feelings...

30 before 30: revisited

2010-04-05T11:33:00.000-07:00

My 30 x 30.

I'm making progress!

4. make a reading list... and read 3

5. live off our land... Go organic (in progress)

~~6. get to the dentist~~

~~7. get to the optometrist~~

8. create back yard plan & play areas (in progress)

9. grow hair out, past shoulders (in progress)

10. re-organize important documents (in progress)

11. create a life list (like gwen bell) (in progress)

17. every room in house "decorated" (in progress)

19. simplify (in progress)

23. run a 9 minute mile (currently I am slooooooower) (in progress)

24. purge purge purge my belongings (in progress)

happy easter.

2010-04-01T22:20:00.000-07:00

tim is a good man.

he didn't exactly JUMP at the opportunity to be the easter bunny at Caiah's preschool... and he wasn't entirely prepared for the many comments he would receive.... like...

"I feel like I should have dollar bills... to put in your tail string"

said by some unknown female parent

like I said... he's a good man.

and he makes a stellar easter bunny.

I am back.

2010-03-30T22:30:00.000-07:00

11-5

2010-03-25T05:31:00.000-07:00

I just slept from 11-5a ... and I feel like a new person... 6 HOURS of STRAIGHT sleep...
I think... it's been about 6 months since I've had anything CLOSE to that...

I should go back to sleep and I probably will... but the house is quiet... a rarity around these parts... I almost forgot how noisy it gets until moments like these...
I have a LOT on my mind...
blood work I'm waiting to hear back on...
a trip to visit my dad for the last time in California before he MOVES to Florida...
a house to prep for being away... stocked cupboards... laundry done and away... schedule discussed
I will be away from Cai for 4 nights... which will be... by far... the longest time we've been apart...
I've had some truly inspiring photoshoots this past month... love those moments... when you feel you've really captured someones personality and essence... now I need to edit...
Thursdays we have nothing scheduled. Looking forward to letting Caiah indulge in some cartoons while I get the house in ship shape... and then... playing outside for the remainder...
The garden is growing... I hope whatever is stealing my plants stops it.

apparently 6 hours of sleep only gives me more energy to feel slightly anxious... :)
I'll take whatever it brings.

dry sticks & dead leaves

2010-03-23T12:00:00.000-07:00

I need BOTH for our compost...

anyone have extra I can come scoop up?

AND

a sneak peek of what sunday looked like...

pots & pans

2010-03-22T23:35:00.001-07:00

when is it time to get new ones?... and does anyone have any suggestions?

me.

2010-03-20T23:46:00.000-07:00

I'm getting back to old loves...

photography...

eating sweet things... damn 5 lbs gain...

making lists...

obviously some of these are more productive than others... :)

to I will garden with a dear friend... then... put on my glasses... and edit photos... THEN... hit the laundry... because my friends... my bed and living room now, when you combine efforts, holds 6 loads of laundry... I'm looking forward to folding and getting my bags packed and ready for next weekend... which will take me on a whirlwind to to Nor Cal (the Bay Area to be a little more specific)... to help my Dad sort and purge before his BIG move... honestly... a few tears may be shed... Not feeling quite ready to have him be sooo far away... (4-5 hour plane ride!) ... but HIS quality of life will be MUCH improved by family... and location :)

...

Yes. I'm feeling melancholy if you hadn't noticed. Reclusive. Guarded. Uneasy. and even... maybe just a tad anxious...

Please excuse the lack of my normal, somewhat abrasive and in your face comments...

I'm a bit self focused at the moment... AND limited on energy...

which reminds me... I'm sleepy...

Off to bed.

this is ONE of the reason I keep lists...

2010-03-18T00:01:00.000-07:00

I am soo inspired... by things like these....

that ANYONE can do... with some TIME... and a few bucks... and more TIME...

to bad I'm a little short on ... both of these ;)

I'm not a big fan of pink... BUT ... somehow... I want this... :)