remembering to breathe.

a few days back... I realized I was having a panic attack... no... that's a lie... I was having multiple panic attacks over the course of a few hours...

why I was all panicky really doesn't matter... right now anyway... I'll save that for a later time...

what I was struck by this succession of attacks, was how easily I slipped back into panic mode... RIGHT AFTER "talking" myself down from full fledged attacks...

My thoughts went something like this...

...God help me, God help me, God help me, God help me, God help me...
...I can't be feeling this way right now, I can't be feeling this way right now, I can't be feeling this way right now...
...God help me, God help me, God help me, God help me, God help me...
...shit, shit, shit...
...stop, breathe, slowly... slower...
...God help me, God help me, God help me, God help me, God help me...

you get the point...

I need God. I need the assurance that He is bigger.

I keep catching myself almost hourly going through the same cycle of thoughts... :)
I'm entering a busy busy season...

two HUGE time consumers for the preschool... which I'm thrilled to be a part of ...
starting the new year focused on a few personal goals (you know... the ones like be healthy & personal growth)
and you know... the rest of my normal life... of a mother of THREE darling littles AND a lifestyle photographer... :)

if you think of me... pray for peace, wisdom, clarity & lots of laughter...